My boudoir journey: First, set some goals

During the past few years, I’ve let myself get fat and unhealthy as detailed in my elevated cholesterol, high triglycerides, elevated blood pressure, elevated blood sugar from my checkup in October 2017. My life has been incredibly stressful, and I dealt with it the old fashioned way–eating to feel better (mmm sugar rush) and sitting depressed on the couch watching too much Netflix. Self-care beyond getting my nails done went out the window. And while I’m all for body positivity, I also am all for reality. The reality is that I’ve been making myself sick and unhappy.

At the end of 2017, things started turning around. My marriage, which had almost broken up, is the best it’s ever been. My teenage daughter has made it through a rough patch. I felt my energy and my give-a-shit coming back. And now, it’s time for me.

Read post #1 in the series

I can dislike my body without disliking me (what?)


On Jan. 8, 2018, I took my measurements: 211 pounds with a 39-inch waist, I was the heaviest I’d been since I was pregnant with my teenager. My left knee was in constant pain. I was winded walking up the stairs. And my chronic depression had kicked my ass for almost 2 years without a break. Did I mention that I’m 48 years old?

When I look in the mirror I do not like what I see. (Before you get all up in arms about body positivity, let me clarify. I don’t like what the physical part of me looks and feels like. I do not say mean things to myself about my body. And I think the “I am” of me is pretty awesome.)

My boobs have gotten so big that I can’t wear a regular size shirt anymore.  I spend my days in yoga pants because none of my size 14s fit anymore, it’s currently too cold for soft dresses, and I don’t want to shop. The slack jaw I see in the mirror or the little skin flap above my elbows—well, I think them make me look older than I am.

So, I want a change. No, need it! I had 4 clients in 2017 who had made big changes in their health by paying attention to their diet and fitness.

They inspired me to take action.

I’ve set some goals for getting healthy and fitter … and a reward of a high-end boudoir session just for me

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I believe in setting goals regardless of the time of year. It just so happened that this goal to improve my health coincided with the new year.

If I don’t set a deadline and put money down, I’ll keep pushing off the work that needs to be done. So I booked my 6th boudoir session for April 19, 2018. Money is down, and I’m working hard. My final deadline to reach these goals is my 49th birthday, June 11. Also note that I’m not focused on a specific weight loss goal, because the scale is a liar.

Goal #1: To fit back into a size 10-12. This means losing at least 6 inches off my waist

Goal #2: To move from a 40 F bra to a 36D

Goal #3: To buy 1 really expensive lingerie set for my boudoir shoot. Like Agent Provocateur, i.d. sarierri, or Atelier Bordelle … which means I must achieve goals #1 and 2


Two of my dream lingerie sets: Left, the Mystere de Minuit Molded Balconnette bra in Dark Berry ($341) with matching Brazilian panty ($130) from sarrieri.com. Right, the Bondage Belle crop top ($335), Bondage Belle peep brief ($145), Bondage Belle harness brief ($131) and Bondage webbed garters ($119) from bordelle.co.uk.


Another goal: Accepting my body’s changes

Years of yo-yo dieting, hormones and gravity have wreaked some havoc on my body’s supportive tissues. I know for sure that changing my body and my fitness is going to be great … and there will be things I won’t like.

Namely, my boobs. I’ve always had great boobs. I like ’em. But with perimenopause, I’ve lost volume at the top. And I know it’s just going to get worse. No amount of exercise is going to lift them up again. And that makes me sad. BUT. The fact that I can shop straight-size lingerie is even better. (But I may whine a little.)

Next up: Stop eating all of that crap and get moving, Lynn

oh and by the way


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